I see you judging me, judging my frowns,
me with my big car and nice clothes,
or maybe I have a small car, but I have a family that loves me and friends who adore me.
You think I am being ungrateful…unappreciative.
But what I wouldn’t give for your easy smile, and those shoulders that relax in every room.
I would give all my wealth in exchange for a heart that does not jump every time it hears my name.
And to not have my hands shake and my legs tremble before every beginning and every end.
One time in 9th grade I shat my pants.
You laugh. They did too. They thought it was an accident. It was not.
I could not gather the courage to go up and interrupt the teacher. I sat there thinking of all the ways my simple act of asking permission to leave the classroom can go wrong.
They all do it so easily, breezing in and out of rooms. I could not.
I did not go back to that school. I demanded my school be changed. I lost one year.
All because one afternoon I could not gather the strength to go up and say 6 small words.
I see you judging again, telling me all those who do not get to go to school. Those who don’t have the choice. And here I was….spoilt brat you say.
I fainted on the day of my wedding; I could not get out of bed for my first job interview.
I am exhausted constantly.
What I wouldn’t give for that easy smile, those relaxed shoulders, and those eyes…that judge me.
If you want to know more about GAD, wiki is actually the best out there in terms of giving you everything you need to know in one place. If you want to get some first-hand perspective and read some personal heart-felt and inspiring accounts, go here and here.